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How To Ask Someone
How To Ask Someone To Be Your Medical Decision Maker
Do not assume someone will know that you want them to be your medical decision maker. You have to ask them.
Here are some tips that may help:
Choose a quiet place and time to bring it up.
Make sure the person understands what you are asking them to do.
If the person feels uneasy, you may want to give them time to think about it. Then, you can ask them again later.
Some people may say no. If so, you may need to think of someone else.
See How To Ask Someone To Be Your Medical Decision Maker
Click the pictures to see their stories. Your situation may be different.
James asks Cynthia to make decisions ONLY IF he is too sick to make his own
Time: 1:10
Video Transcript
James: My doctor talked to me about how it’s important to choose someone to help me make my medical decisions if I can’t make them on my own.
Cynthia: You’re not sick or anything, right?
James: No, no, I’m OK. This is to prepare for the future.
Cynthia: The future?
James: Yes. The doctor said that sometimes people get so sick they can’t make their own medical decisions.
Cynthia: OK
James: Well, if at some point I can’t make medical decisions on my own, would you be willing to work with my doctors to help make them?
Cynthia: Well, I think so.
James: You know me and you know what’s important to me. I trust you. Would you be willing to do this?
Cynthia: Yes. Of course I would.
James: Does it make sense, what I’m asking you to do?
Cynthia: Yes, you want me to be the person the doctors can turn to, to help make medical decisions for you if you can’t.
James: I am so glad that we were able to talk about this. Thank you, sweetheart.
John asks his son David to make ALL of his decisions for him
Time: 1:03
Video Transcript
John: My doctor has been asking me to think about choosing someone to make medical decisions for me if I become too sick to make them for myself.
David: OK…
John: Traditionally it is the first-born son who makes those decisions.
David: Ah. OK, I didn’t know you felt this way, so it’s good we’re talking about it.
John: Yes. It is also important that you know if I get sick, I really want you to be the one to talk to my doctors. I want you to get the medical information. And I want you to keep this information from me.
David: Wow, Dad. It’s a big responsibility.
John: I know. But I trust you to do it.
David: I’ll do my best.
John: You don’t know what a relief that is for me.
David: Dad, I’m happy to do this for you, but it would really help me if we could talk about what's important to you in your life. So I'll be able to make decisions that reflect your wishes.
John: Sure. We can definitely do that.
Words You Can Say
Here are some examples of what you can say to ask someone to be your medical decision maker.
How to say it:
“My doctor thinks it is important to choose someone who could make medical decisions for me in case I get sick in the future and cannot make my own decisions.
If this happens, would you be willing to work with my medical care team to help make medical decisions for me?”
This is one example. Your situation may be different.
Here are some words you can use to ask someone to make decisions for you now.
How to say it:
"I do not want to make my own medical decisions. I would really like you to talk to the doctors and for you to help make medical decisions for me both now and in the future. Will you do this for me?"
This is one example. Your situation may be different.