Jorge: Even though thinking about how much flexibility to give my niece was scary at first, it actually made me feel more in control because I was able to tell her what decisions are OK to change or not OK for her to change. I know she will do her best, but I also know that she won’t change the things I feel very strongly about.

Ken: At first I chose my friend Bill to be my medical decision maker. But, some things happened that made me think he was more worried about himself than looking out for me. I couldn’t really trust him. That made it hard for me to decide on how much flexibility I wanted to give him. I realized I needed to choose someone else I trusted more.

In the end, I changed my decision maker to my neighbor Ellen. Because it’s still hard for me to fully trust someone, I told Ellen what was important to me, and I also talked with my doctor and wrote down my medical wishes on an official form.

Helen: I believe that my medical decision maker, through prayer, will make the right decisions for me. But I know you can’t plan for everything, so I gave her the flexibility to work with my doctors and to pray about what the right thing would be for me at that very moment.

Now that we’ve talked about what is important to me, I feel comfortable leaving my decisions to her and to prayer.

James: At first I didn’t want to upset my wife by talking about this stuff. I also felt guilty because I thought I’d be putting a huge burden on her shoulders.

Cynthia: It would actually be a much bigger burden if we didn’t talk about it. Then what if the doctors turned to me at some point and asked me to make decisions for my husband? I wouldn’t know what to do!

James: Talking was a really good thing to do.

Cynthia: Right. Talking about this stuff is never easy, but it’s much easier now when we’re both healthy. Now I feel more prepared.